I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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