My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
