some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
