i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
