Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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