Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
