Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
