I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
