i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize