remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
