Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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