I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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