i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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