and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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