you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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