Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
