in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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