I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
