i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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