Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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