i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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