he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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