when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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