She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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