I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
