Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
