how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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