I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
