She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
