Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
