So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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