i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
