I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
