That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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