I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
