I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
