the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
