i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
