I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
