I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
why do cheetos always look like penises
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
