I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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