omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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