Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
