Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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