I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
