you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
