i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
