maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
