I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
