i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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