I want to make a zoo with you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
