just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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