I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize