I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
