we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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