Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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