This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
