its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
