3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
