Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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