I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
