in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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