I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
