So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
