I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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