I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
did i walk over a car last night?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
