I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
