But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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