I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
