well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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