I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
