I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i barfeds in our rink
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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