I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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