I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
