fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
