i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
