I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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