he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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