I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
