So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
