recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
