So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
