It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the gays at disneyland are vicious
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize