it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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